The Do's and Don'ts of Holding Space for Emotional Release

Whether we are doing yoga, receiving reflexology or Reiki, it is normal for emotions to arise. A huge part of our role as doulas is also emotional support. Energy from past experiences can be stored in the body, sometimes for years. Whether it is grief, anger, sadness, despair, fear, shame, resentment or any other emotion, it can come to the surface during a session or clients may book their session because of traumas or pain that they are processing. Knowing how to hold space for our clients is an important part of creating safety for the healthy release or sublimation of these emotions.

So how do we be effective space holders? These are some of the do's and don'ts of holding space for our clients when they are surfacing heavy energy/emotions or in the depth of their pain.

1. Be comfortable with the discomfort of others. It may be uncomfortable to be witness to someone who is experiencing mental or emotional pain. With experience, this discomfort can lessen as we understand the benefit of healthy emotional release. We need to set aside our own discomfort so our clients can freely move the energy of their previously suppressed or repressed emotion. Notice your tendency to want to ease your own discomfort by providing comfort or solutions instead of just allowing the other person the time to sit in their feeling with you.

   
   

2. Don't give advice, opinions or comforting words. It's natural to want to fix problems for others or tell them what we think they need. While well intended it often shuts down the movement of the energy/emotion. People rarely want your advice or opinion. Sometimes it can be appropriate to ask someone who is releasing emotions if they would like you to listen or if they would like your advice. The answer is almost always going to be listen. You don't need to fill space with words or have something wise to offer. This can include comforting sayings like "Everything happens for a reason."

   
   

3. Stay grounded and present. Feel your own feet on the floor. Connect with your breath. Feel present in your body. This prevents you from taking on the energy that is being released. Being grounded will help you to stay present with your client.

   
   

4. Validate their experience. You may not understand what they are feeling or why they are feeling it, but you can validate and confirm by reflecting things like "This feels really big right now, doesn't it?" or "I can feel how much this has affected you." Validation confirms safety and allows for the continuation of the flow.

   
   

5. Don't shift the focus to yourself. Don't take anything personally while they are raw and vulnerable and be mindful not to shift the attention to yourself and your own similar experience. If it feels appropriate because a client feels very alone in their experience or you can sense they are feeling judged, sometimes it may be appropriate to share that you have had a similar experience, but if the energy shifts so the client feels like they are now supporting you, it's not okay.

Remember, emotional release is healthy. Yes, it can be mildly or severely uncomfortable for the person releasing but it serves great purpose. Feeling is healing. If someone feels safe enough to release emotions in your presence, take it as a great honour while also a great responsibility. Less is more with emotional support. Presence is your most powerful resource.