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Healing from your birth: A step by step guide after a traumatic birth

a newborn baby holds its mother's fingers. Healing after a traumatic birth.

Giving birth transforms us. Some of that transformation is beautiful, some of it is really hard and messy. All of it can serve us and even others in powerful ways.

It's not uncommon for people to invalidate their own feelings about their birth or to have their feelings invalidated by others. We can judge or be judged because we believe having a baby is supposed to be a happy time and a time to be grateful. Feelings of grief, anger, fear, guilt and shame can be compounded by judgement. Judgement stops healing.

We can feel grateful for our new baby and all that went well during our birth while also feeling hurt, angry, sad, scared, disconnected or any other heavy emotion from the same experience. Both of these states can exist simultaneously.

Here are steps you can follow to move through your healing. Healing rarely happens in a straight line. Sometimes it is quick and easy, sometimes it's like peeling the layers of an onion.

  1. Feel the feelings you have about your birth. Give yourself permission to let them be big. Surrender to all of the emotions. Give yourself time to grieve, vent, cry and feel sorry for yourself. Emotion is energy in motion. You do have to feel it to heal it. When you move the energy of your birth in this way, you move it for everyone involved. If your baby is fussy, cry together. You processing the energy from your birth experience may mean that your baby will cry less.

  2. Find a good space holder and allow them to hold space for you. It may be your partner, a friend, a family member, a therapist, an energy healing practitioner or even an acquaintance. It's okay to start by reminding them that you aren't looking for them to comfort you or fix this. What you need is someone to listen, to be comfortable with your discomfort and to validate your feelings with compassion.

  3. Write letters to your care providers. You can burn them or send them. Be open and honest about your feelings and how they impacted your birth. You may be surprised what comes up for you!

  4. Spend time in nature. Nature deprivation makes coping harder. Visualize the sun burning your pain away, the river washing it away or the wind blowing it away. Sit with a tree, rock or plant and tell them how you feel. Mother earth is our most powerful, nurturing, healer.

  5. When you've spent some time doing the above, offer healing support to others. Holding space for the healing of others is healing for you. Be a compassionate listener and validate someone else's feelings. Some people find purpose in their hard experiences by becoming doulas or Reiki practitioners. Our experiences can become our passion.

By the Moon offer's regular free online birth trauma healing ceremony seminars. Learn this powerful energy healing technique for yourself or others who may have had a traumatic birth experience. Next free online birth trauma healing ceremony seminar: Friday, June 23 at 10:30am EDT. Register free


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